When I think "My vocation", I focus subconsciously on one moment of my life. I know that this calling to a life as a member of the Missionary Sisters of the Holy Family was always in God's mind. I also know that all events of my life led to the recognition of my own way. However, this one moment had played an important role. It was the time when I experienced, in a very intense way, God's invitation to live in chastity, poverty, and obedience. This one week of August is still very vivid. What happened at that time brings fruit and directs my daily decisions. I feel that I could never be grateful enough for the light which made everything so clear, for the grace of certainty which couldn't suggest the decision of rejecting the happiness, for the experience of putting the puzzle of events in the past into one whole. Later, when I shared people's joys and sorrows, I understood even more deeply the priceless value of the gift to be people's sister. I was certain that Christ can send me to these people according to His infallible plans. I know that the only way I can thank Jesus for that gift is to try to be sensitive to His desires.
In my heart, I go back to the mentioned week. At first, the inner voice that I heard in my heart didn't bring me any healing. I wasn't expecting anything like this. The thought of a life in the convent never crossed my mind. Though in my parish there were few religious congregations (cloister and active, wearing the habit and not, for men and for women), I didn't know that life. The sisters taught me religion and prepared me for the sacraments, but their life and witness to the Gospel was absolutely irrelevant to my plans for the future. I respected the fact that they were different, but that's it. I wanted to be a good wife and a mother to a number of children. I also wanted to be a biology teacher who would be greatly involved in the life of the students. In my dreams, that was my future and everything seemed to go this way. Suddenly, something unexpected happened. I had my plans, and God was inviting me to the life with Him. At first, God didn't succeed in calling me. I wasn't impressed with His call. The whole week, however, God didn't stop in intense renewal of His invitation. In the corner of my room, I cried hopelessly. Wetting the next towel with my tears, I tried to make a deal with the Lord. I was hoping that, somehow, it will postpone the final decision. I couldn't say 'no' to the One whom I trusted even when everything seemed to fall apart. Among other things, I was asking Him to help me to finish the college. I said, "If I have to follow you, then in four years I will." Despite that, my heart felt that it was a false petition. The only natural answer given to the Lord after some struggle was, "OK, I'm going." The peace which filled my heart was a sign of the value of human honesty toward God's invitation. I knew that I made the most important decision of my life, and that it will last for all eternity. This arguing with God, or rather with my own weakness, made me feel exhausted. I didn't even have the strength to think about how am I going to make this invitation a concrete one. Suddenly, which is totally not me, I wasn't worry about anything knowing that I will get where I need to be. I realized that there was a certain God's logic in all the events that took place in my life. If so, it wasn't a coincidence that I studied in Bialystok. I drew a conclusion from that saying," I'm sure that He wants me to join the Missionary Sisters of the Holy Family if I'm studying in the city where they live." Following the address from a brochure and going to one of the convents, I felt as if this place was mine from a long, long time. Despite my strong feelings, I prepared a speech in my mind. I thought I will say that I really don't know, that I think that God wants me to lead the religious life, that I have to get advice from somebody who lived through the same experiences to know for sure, etc. The sister superior listened with the heart that lived its vocation. Very calmly, she introduced me to the vocation of Blessed Boleslawa Lament. She also explained the charismatic vocation of the congregation founded by Bl. Boleslawa. It was the end of the week filled with struggle and uncertainty. I knew now that I wanted to be a part of that congregation and live out its vocation in the best possible way. At this moment, I recognized that, through my whole life, the Lord was leading me to this joyous discovery.
Whatever I do today is the simple consequence of that dialogue. Without it, I couldn't exist, at least, not as my own person.
(19 years in religious life)